Here we are smack dab up against the New Year! (So who's afraid of 2007?)
Well, I probably am. I really SHOULD be, at my age.
But I'll tell you what. With the shape the world is in today, I wouldn't give you two plugged nickels for their chances of surviving much past the end of the new year!
Why?
Why, you ninny, because the socialists are coming. We got rid of the commies, only to be overrun by their children---all socialists!
France is ready to collapse from the weight of socialists---and angry Muslims!
Germany is having a problem with annoyed Turks, who were first invited to come to Germany to find work, then were invited to leave---without much success, I might add!
The new "Euro" is beginning to show signs of losing value, also---not that the dollar is in much better shape. It's just that most investors in the world still prefer the dollar to speculation in euros--or any other currency, for that matter.
I also expect another attack in the U.S. by terrorists---maybe much worse than 9/11.
They've been too quiet for too long! And, when that happens, the democrats will blame Bush. I think they already blame him for global warming, gasoline prices, hurricanes and earthquakes! Might as well blame him for any new attack on U.S. territories, doncha' think?
I've made a New Year's resolution. I'm going to stop watching so much news!
Our Main Stream Media is controlled by leftists, so you can't really count on them to provide you with good information. It's always slanted to favor either democrats--or the terrorists--take your pick!
Sad to say, I don't know which is worse!
Until we vote out people like Clinton, Pelosi, Kerry, Schumer and Kennedy, our Congress will continue to serve self interests only, instead of citizens. The only thing this crew has done in six years, besides fight Bush, is bring in new idiots like Edwards, who never saw a law suit he didn't like!
And, of course, the dems have found a patsy they can use to convince the unwashed how "un-racist" they are--Obama barracks (bin)Ladin, from "ShicAHgo", doncha' know!
He thinks it's great that, as a black man, he's adored by one and all. The dems have really done a snow job on him.
Personally, I think he doesn't have enough experience to be a senator, let alone president, which is what many dems are pushing for.
Imagine the dems thought process on this one: "Gee! He's black and WE CONTROL him! He'll be the first black president and we'll get the credit for nominating him--thereby proving we're not prejudiced, like we secretly KNOW we are!"
Well, you DESERVE what you vote for, has always been my motto! Vote for a Clinton--get socialism. Vote for an Obama--get a black man who will probably back the mayor of New Orleans next bid for office!
We only have two years to wait to see it all "flash before our eyes"!
But I've rambled enough. I just wanted to wish one and all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember to drive sober and safely--and if you can't do that, find a mountain to fall off where you won't hurt anyone else!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Merry Christmas and a Safe and Happy New Year!
Today is Christmas Eve--the eve (supposedly) of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is a day of reflection. What have we done with our lives over this past year?
Who have we helped? Who have we injured with our words, whether intentionally, or not?
It's also a day for relaxing with our family. I never get enough of that. My family is scattered inside a radius of 70 miles of my home. So it's not an easy thing for them to visit.
Of course, it's much easier for them to visit me, than "wicy-wersy", doncha' know, my being an old coot and all!
So today I had a visit from my #2 son and his wife and 3 grandchildren. Tomorrow I'll have a visit from my other two sons and their grandchildren.
Looking back over the past year, I can't help but think of those who have gone before me. We're all familiar with the various movie stars and the comments about how it's legendary for them to die in threes!
I've never believed in that. But it does seem strange that deaths seem to occur in groups.
Earlier this month I lost my next door neighbor to emphysema. He was 68 years old and smoked to the very last day. We had a standing joke about how the world would end if he DID quit smoking!
Well, he lost his life "saving the world" and it's a hard way to die--may he rest in peace! I don't think God will let him smoke any more!
We, my family and I, now embark upon a new year.
I hope that EACH and EVERY one of you who may visit my simple blog will enjoy your Holiday Season with your family, or someone close to you.
To ALL--MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A SAFE, SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It is a day of reflection. What have we done with our lives over this past year?
Who have we helped? Who have we injured with our words, whether intentionally, or not?
It's also a day for relaxing with our family. I never get enough of that. My family is scattered inside a radius of 70 miles of my home. So it's not an easy thing for them to visit.
Of course, it's much easier for them to visit me, than "wicy-wersy", doncha' know, my being an old coot and all!
So today I had a visit from my #2 son and his wife and 3 grandchildren. Tomorrow I'll have a visit from my other two sons and their grandchildren.
Looking back over the past year, I can't help but think of those who have gone before me. We're all familiar with the various movie stars and the comments about how it's legendary for them to die in threes!
I've never believed in that. But it does seem strange that deaths seem to occur in groups.
Earlier this month I lost my next door neighbor to emphysema. He was 68 years old and smoked to the very last day. We had a standing joke about how the world would end if he DID quit smoking!
Well, he lost his life "saving the world" and it's a hard way to die--may he rest in peace! I don't think God will let him smoke any more!
We, my family and I, now embark upon a new year.
I hope that EACH and EVERY one of you who may visit my simple blog will enjoy your Holiday Season with your family, or someone close to you.
To ALL--MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A SAFE, SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Do You Hab ah Code id Dyour Dose?
WELL, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
Innocent as I am, I walked into my local grocers to pick up a few well-needed supplies--booze and pancake mix! You know, just the usual stuff.
As I wandered through the aisles, I heard suspicious snuffles and an occasional sneeze from aisles close by.
Being the wise person I am, I decided I'd skip those aisles and come back to them later when the snorts, snuffles and sneezes had disappeared.
The LAST thing I want is a COLD!
Laugh if you want, but to us old coots, catching a cold can be the beginning of 3-4 weeks of utter misery!
It immediately poops in your lungs--which is why your mouth tastes bad and your breath is foul enough to cause your spouse to move you into the guest room--"so you can sleep undisturbed!"
You no sooner get comfortable in there than this monster cold stuffs itself into your sinuses by lying on its back in your nose and sticking one foot into both your left and right sinuses.
Then it starts kicking!
Aboud thad dime you sdard dalkin' l'ak dis!
See? It even makes you digress!
To get back to what I was saying, I wandered on through the store picking up items of interest and dropping then carefully into my cart. Came to the liquor section and discovered they were giving 10% discount on any six bottles of wine.
Can't pass up a deal like THAT can you? Bought 6 various bottles of Cabernet, Shiraz (Australian) and Merlot. Added two bottles of French Columbard and one of Chardonnay, to be sure I have enough.
Finally, after cruising through the produce section picking up everything BUT spinach and lettuce (no e-coli for ME, --nossir!) I proceeded to the checkout stand.
Ye Gods! $138.20 total! Must be the extra cans of veggies I bought!
"Will that be all, sir--hu, hu, hu" the cashier lady asks?
"Hu, hu" I snap back, thinking it's a pretty snappy comeback!
"Yes," she says. "Is dere anyding elzz--Hu, hu, HAAAA-CHOOOO!" she sprays.
I'm too stunned to move! She sneezed all over me and my groceries!
I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Grabbed my stuff, stuffed it into a cart--ran it out to the car and stuffed it into the trunk. Left the parking lot with smoking tires.
Couldn't eben bead the damn'd co'd homb!
Dad wad dree weegs ago! I'b still strugglin' w'id geddin' ober d'is thingd!
Just leabe me alone--I wanna' die in peace. Bud before I go, I'm gonna' ged eben w'id d'at cashier!
Nexd dime I'b gonna' hand her by snoddy check!
Innocent as I am, I walked into my local grocers to pick up a few well-needed supplies--booze and pancake mix! You know, just the usual stuff.
As I wandered through the aisles, I heard suspicious snuffles and an occasional sneeze from aisles close by.
Being the wise person I am, I decided I'd skip those aisles and come back to them later when the snorts, snuffles and sneezes had disappeared.
The LAST thing I want is a COLD!
Laugh if you want, but to us old coots, catching a cold can be the beginning of 3-4 weeks of utter misery!
It immediately poops in your lungs--which is why your mouth tastes bad and your breath is foul enough to cause your spouse to move you into the guest room--"so you can sleep undisturbed!"
You no sooner get comfortable in there than this monster cold stuffs itself into your sinuses by lying on its back in your nose and sticking one foot into both your left and right sinuses.
Then it starts kicking!
Aboud thad dime you sdard dalkin' l'ak dis!
See? It even makes you digress!
To get back to what I was saying, I wandered on through the store picking up items of interest and dropping then carefully into my cart. Came to the liquor section and discovered they were giving 10% discount on any six bottles of wine.
Can't pass up a deal like THAT can you? Bought 6 various bottles of Cabernet, Shiraz (Australian) and Merlot. Added two bottles of French Columbard and one of Chardonnay, to be sure I have enough.
Finally, after cruising through the produce section picking up everything BUT spinach and lettuce (no e-coli for ME, --nossir!) I proceeded to the checkout stand.
Ye Gods! $138.20 total! Must be the extra cans of veggies I bought!
"Will that be all, sir--hu, hu, hu" the cashier lady asks?
"Hu, hu" I snap back, thinking it's a pretty snappy comeback!
"Yes," she says. "Is dere anyding elzz--Hu, hu, HAAAA-CHOOOO!" she sprays.
I'm too stunned to move! She sneezed all over me and my groceries!
I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Grabbed my stuff, stuffed it into a cart--ran it out to the car and stuffed it into the trunk. Left the parking lot with smoking tires.
Couldn't eben bead the damn'd co'd homb!
Dad wad dree weegs ago! I'b still strugglin' w'id geddin' ober d'is thingd!
Just leabe me alone--I wanna' die in peace. Bud before I go, I'm gonna' ged eben w'id d'at cashier!
Nexd dime I'b gonna' hand her by snoddy check!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
TODAY--
A quick note to all--
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES.
Please--REMEMBER OUR TROOPS in your prayers today!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES.
Please--REMEMBER OUR TROOPS in your prayers today!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Predictions for the Next 6 Months--
I thought I'd take a guess as to what will happen over the next six months, now that the democrats have gained a majority in the House and Senate.
Unfortunately, so many bad things come to mind, it's difficult to know where to begin!
I don't think the blog will hold that much!
I "borrowed" an article, written by Doc Farmer of Chronwatch, just as a beginning point. He makes several points with which I agree:
1. Congress will begin "examinations" and "public hearings" on the Iraqi Front in the Global War on Terrorism, thereby leaking vital information to the enemy. No action will be taken against the leakers, even when they are identified as key lib/dem/soc/commie committee members.
2. Nancy Pelosi, despite her promise to not impeach the President, will quietly begin consolidating those hearings as a prelude to impeachment.
My comment: She isn't going to be "quiet" about it. She's going to openly support it. After all, what can the Republicans do about it? Pelosi, with her desire for vengeance, will destroy the gains the dems have made in this election.
3. Hastert will be censured by the House on trumped-up charges of assisting Foley's perversion. He will resign in disgrace.
My comment: The speaker may well be censured, although he bears no guilt for Foley. The question is, when will the dems publicly admit to THEIR sexual pecadilloes? Answer: "Never"!
4. John McCain will formally announce his candidacy for the 2008 Presidential race.
My comment: McCain has already done this. He's opened a war chest and is actively seeking donations. Anybody stupid enough to contribute had better be prepared to lose money. I don't think McCain has a snowball's chance in hell of being elected president. He's been a Republican-in-name-only (RINO) for years. We're MUCH better off without him in government! He's been a major disappointment to the republican party!
5. John Kerry's face will split open after an overdose of botox, revealing he is, in fact, Joan Rivers.
My comment: Well, if THERRRRAAAAZZZA doesn't split it first. After all, Kerry's a complete flop as a politician. He accused Bush of being dumb, then makes dumber statements than Bush does. (He who laughs last---)
6. Further evidence linking Teddy Kennedy to the USSR will be revealed, but suppressed by Congress and the MSM. --but not by the internet!
My comment: Teddy has been a disgrace ever since he abandoned Mary Jo Kopechne to the icy waters!
7. Tax cuts will expire, and Congress will not renew them.
My comment: Of course not. The dems actually believe their own lies about the economy being in the tank. They've been saying it for 6 years now, forgetting that when the economy WAS in the tank, it was on Klintoon's watch! Result: They do their damndest to make their lie become the truth!
8. Unemployment will rise to 5.1% by the end of 2007. Lib/dem/soc/commies in Congress will blame Bush for the "highest unemployment rate in recent memory." --or higher! The minute the American citizen gets hit with higher taxes, he goes into a shell and stops buying. That spells complete disaster for the American auto industry as well as most other American manufacturing.
My comment: That gives the auto industry another whipping boy to use, rather than admit they aren’t able to compete in building reliable cars!
9. The Patriot Act will be rescinded.
My comment: Certainly! They've been against it from the beginning. After all, it was responsible for catching all those nice terrorists who are in that cruel, Guantanamo, aren't they?
10. The Gorelick Wall will be reinstated. Thereby destroying our departments of intelligence.
My comment: Remember, dems hate the intelligence agencies and our military!
11. America will be attacked by a series of homicide bombings in a coordinated attack on a specific date and time in at least 8, but as many as 20, US cities. Hundreds will die. The media will blame Bush, despite the fact that lib/dem/soc/commies in Congress undercut terrorist surveillance programs.
My comment: Sadly, this is a given! Worse yet, the liberals refuse to acknowledge this fact thereby being at fault for any and all casualties coming—just as Clinton was.
12. Hillary Clinton's bid for the presidency will be marred by scandal when it is found that she did indeed have sexual relations with that man . . . Bill Clinton.
My comment: It will be further tanked by her finally open admission of her socialist bent, just at the wrong moment!
13. Iran will launch a coordinated missile attack against Israel. Four nuclear warheads will explode over Tel Aviv, Haifa and Netanya, and two "duds" will hit Jerusalem and Ashdod, but the nuclear material will escape in a "dirty bomb" fashion. The death toll will be approximately 1.4 million, with a further 3 million injuries.
My comment: The result of this will be an all-out war of Israel against Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Egypt and, possibly, Saudi Arabia It will suck the U.S. who will be completely unprepared due to military cuts by dems into trying to reach Israel to aid in their defense. We will lose hundreds of young men who will be lost trying to land from the Mediterranean side of Israel. However, on the bright side, Iran will cease to exist when hit by B2 bombers delivering nukes and we will eventually become the new owners of Saudi Arabia, thereby tying up the world's oil!
14. The UN will condemn the attack.
My comment: However, they will not be able to agree on how to start the meetings--donuts first, or coffee first! Russia will demand donuts first and Japan will demand tea. Italy will boycott for pasta.
15. Iran will see the rise of the 12th Imam from a sacred well in Tehran. Unfortunately, for President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the 12th Imam will in fact turn out to be Gary Coleman, who fell down the well three months earlier without anybody noticing...
My comment: Coleman who?
16. North Korea will launch a 5-kiloton fission bomb on the top of a long-range ballistic missile, aimed at San Francisco.
The bomb will instead hit Pyongyang.
My comment: A 2nd attempt will hit Tokyo, whereby the Japanese will kill "L'il Kim" by beating him to death with the Japanese Constitution!
17. Immigration "reform" will be put before the congress, but will not be passed until 2008.
My comment: However, congress will hire illegals as page boys.
18. The fence won't be started due to "environmental impact studies."
“Catch and Release" will be quietly reinstated.
My comment: Unfortunately, they will find bleached human bones and will spend 10 years looking for the indian tribe to which they belong! Six homeless Mexicans will claim it's their cousin and immeiately apply for a license to build a casino on that site!
19. Usama bin Laden will be declared dead at least twice. Each time he will be shown on video tape a few days later, reading a recent New York Times.
My comment: He will appear to have a stick for a backbone and will be gazing at the paper with a fixed stare!
20. Castro will actually die. His brother, Raul, will take over the reins of government, and Congress will demand that all sanctions against Cuba be lifted.
Bill Clinton will immediately lobby for the cigar concession.
My comment: Ex-president Carter will request a statue be erected on the Washington mall in honor of Castro's humanitarian treatment of his own people. It will consist of Castro running a tobacco stand.
21. Communist China will attack Taiwan. Congress will refuse to authorize any defense of Taiwan. Approximately 1.7 million in Taiwan will die, or about 8% of their total population. The remainder will be enslaved and incorporated into Communist China.
My comment: Congress WILL authorize the defense of Taiwan—they just won’t fund any money for it!
22. The government of Cheese-Eating-Surrender-Monkey-Land (France) will be overthrown by Islamofascists in a brief but violent civil war. The outgoing government will ask for US assistance. George W. Bush, in a rare moment of on-the-air frankness, will tell them exactly where they can stick their baguettes.
My comment: The French will demand to be allowed to immigrate to the U.S. The Statue of Liberty will be re-designed to hold up a middle finger as a greeting to all immigrants.
23. Barak Obama will declare himself a candidate for the 2008 Presidential campaign. He will immediately receive key endorsements from the NAACP, the Southern Baptist Conference, and, in an odd yet embarrassing paperwork error, the Ku Klux Klan.
My comment: He will be elected, then impeached within 6 months when republicans discover he can't read!
24. Terrorists will attempt to detonate a "dirty bomb" in a major Midwestern city. The bomb will be 500 pounds of conventional explosives intermixed with 500 pounds of low-radiation medical waste. The news media will overplay the danger and panic will ensue. Only 20 people will be killed by the explosion itself. A further 200 will die from the stampede to leave the quarantine zone.
My comment: 200 more will suffer various diseases from thousands of flying, dirty needles!
Now that we know what our future is, all we have to do is move to Australia and let the dems bear the brunt of what they will have done!
Once the dust clears, the more intelligent heads will be asking for constitutionalists to return home and straighten out the mess!
Unfortunately, so many bad things come to mind, it's difficult to know where to begin!
I don't think the blog will hold that much!
I "borrowed" an article, written by Doc Farmer of Chronwatch, just as a beginning point. He makes several points with which I agree:
1. Congress will begin "examinations" and "public hearings" on the Iraqi Front in the Global War on Terrorism, thereby leaking vital information to the enemy. No action will be taken against the leakers, even when they are identified as key lib/dem/soc/commie committee members.
2. Nancy Pelosi, despite her promise to not impeach the President, will quietly begin consolidating those hearings as a prelude to impeachment.
My comment: She isn't going to be "quiet" about it. She's going to openly support it. After all, what can the Republicans do about it? Pelosi, with her desire for vengeance, will destroy the gains the dems have made in this election.
3. Hastert will be censured by the House on trumped-up charges of assisting Foley's perversion. He will resign in disgrace.
My comment: The speaker may well be censured, although he bears no guilt for Foley. The question is, when will the dems publicly admit to THEIR sexual pecadilloes? Answer: "Never"!
4. John McCain will formally announce his candidacy for the 2008 Presidential race.
My comment: McCain has already done this. He's opened a war chest and is actively seeking donations. Anybody stupid enough to contribute had better be prepared to lose money. I don't think McCain has a snowball's chance in hell of being elected president. He's been a Republican-in-name-only (RINO) for years. We're MUCH better off without him in government! He's been a major disappointment to the republican party!
5. John Kerry's face will split open after an overdose of botox, revealing he is, in fact, Joan Rivers.
My comment: Well, if THERRRRAAAAZZZA doesn't split it first. After all, Kerry's a complete flop as a politician. He accused Bush of being dumb, then makes dumber statements than Bush does. (He who laughs last---)
6. Further evidence linking Teddy Kennedy to the USSR will be revealed, but suppressed by Congress and the MSM. --but not by the internet!
My comment: Teddy has been a disgrace ever since he abandoned Mary Jo Kopechne to the icy waters!
7. Tax cuts will expire, and Congress will not renew them.
My comment: Of course not. The dems actually believe their own lies about the economy being in the tank. They've been saying it for 6 years now, forgetting that when the economy WAS in the tank, it was on Klintoon's watch! Result: They do their damndest to make their lie become the truth!
8. Unemployment will rise to 5.1% by the end of 2007. Lib/dem/soc/commies in Congress will blame Bush for the "highest unemployment rate in recent memory." --or higher! The minute the American citizen gets hit with higher taxes, he goes into a shell and stops buying. That spells complete disaster for the American auto industry as well as most other American manufacturing.
My comment: That gives the auto industry another whipping boy to use, rather than admit they aren’t able to compete in building reliable cars!
9. The Patriot Act will be rescinded.
My comment: Certainly! They've been against it from the beginning. After all, it was responsible for catching all those nice terrorists who are in that cruel, Guantanamo, aren't they?
10. The Gorelick Wall will be reinstated. Thereby destroying our departments of intelligence.
My comment: Remember, dems hate the intelligence agencies and our military!
11. America will be attacked by a series of homicide bombings in a coordinated attack on a specific date and time in at least 8, but as many as 20, US cities. Hundreds will die. The media will blame Bush, despite the fact that lib/dem/soc/commies in Congress undercut terrorist surveillance programs.
My comment: Sadly, this is a given! Worse yet, the liberals refuse to acknowledge this fact thereby being at fault for any and all casualties coming—just as Clinton was.
12. Hillary Clinton's bid for the presidency will be marred by scandal when it is found that she did indeed have sexual relations with that man . . . Bill Clinton.
My comment: It will be further tanked by her finally open admission of her socialist bent, just at the wrong moment!
13. Iran will launch a coordinated missile attack against Israel. Four nuclear warheads will explode over Tel Aviv, Haifa and Netanya, and two "duds" will hit Jerusalem and Ashdod, but the nuclear material will escape in a "dirty bomb" fashion. The death toll will be approximately 1.4 million, with a further 3 million injuries.
My comment: The result of this will be an all-out war of Israel against Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Egypt and, possibly, Saudi Arabia It will suck the U.S. who will be completely unprepared due to military cuts by dems into trying to reach Israel to aid in their defense. We will lose hundreds of young men who will be lost trying to land from the Mediterranean side of Israel. However, on the bright side, Iran will cease to exist when hit by B2 bombers delivering nukes and we will eventually become the new owners of Saudi Arabia, thereby tying up the world's oil!
14. The UN will condemn the attack.
My comment: However, they will not be able to agree on how to start the meetings--donuts first, or coffee first! Russia will demand donuts first and Japan will demand tea. Italy will boycott for pasta.
15. Iran will see the rise of the 12th Imam from a sacred well in Tehran. Unfortunately, for President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the 12th Imam will in fact turn out to be Gary Coleman, who fell down the well three months earlier without anybody noticing...
My comment: Coleman who?
16. North Korea will launch a 5-kiloton fission bomb on the top of a long-range ballistic missile, aimed at San Francisco.
The bomb will instead hit Pyongyang.
My comment: A 2nd attempt will hit Tokyo, whereby the Japanese will kill "L'il Kim" by beating him to death with the Japanese Constitution!
17. Immigration "reform" will be put before the congress, but will not be passed until 2008.
My comment: However, congress will hire illegals as page boys.
18. The fence won't be started due to "environmental impact studies."
“Catch and Release" will be quietly reinstated.
My comment: Unfortunately, they will find bleached human bones and will spend 10 years looking for the indian tribe to which they belong! Six homeless Mexicans will claim it's their cousin and immeiately apply for a license to build a casino on that site!
19. Usama bin Laden will be declared dead at least twice. Each time he will be shown on video tape a few days later, reading a recent New York Times.
My comment: He will appear to have a stick for a backbone and will be gazing at the paper with a fixed stare!
20. Castro will actually die. His brother, Raul, will take over the reins of government, and Congress will demand that all sanctions against Cuba be lifted.
Bill Clinton will immediately lobby for the cigar concession.
My comment: Ex-president Carter will request a statue be erected on the Washington mall in honor of Castro's humanitarian treatment of his own people. It will consist of Castro running a tobacco stand.
21. Communist China will attack Taiwan. Congress will refuse to authorize any defense of Taiwan. Approximately 1.7 million in Taiwan will die, or about 8% of their total population. The remainder will be enslaved and incorporated into Communist China.
My comment: Congress WILL authorize the defense of Taiwan—they just won’t fund any money for it!
22. The government of Cheese-Eating-Surrender-Monkey-Land (France) will be overthrown by Islamofascists in a brief but violent civil war. The outgoing government will ask for US assistance. George W. Bush, in a rare moment of on-the-air frankness, will tell them exactly where they can stick their baguettes.
My comment: The French will demand to be allowed to immigrate to the U.S. The Statue of Liberty will be re-designed to hold up a middle finger as a greeting to all immigrants.
23. Barak Obama will declare himself a candidate for the 2008 Presidential campaign. He will immediately receive key endorsements from the NAACP, the Southern Baptist Conference, and, in an odd yet embarrassing paperwork error, the Ku Klux Klan.
My comment: He will be elected, then impeached within 6 months when republicans discover he can't read!
24. Terrorists will attempt to detonate a "dirty bomb" in a major Midwestern city. The bomb will be 500 pounds of conventional explosives intermixed with 500 pounds of low-radiation medical waste. The news media will overplay the danger and panic will ensue. Only 20 people will be killed by the explosion itself. A further 200 will die from the stampede to leave the quarantine zone.
My comment: 200 more will suffer various diseases from thousands of flying, dirty needles!
Now that we know what our future is, all we have to do is move to Australia and let the dems bear the brunt of what they will have done!
Once the dust clears, the more intelligent heads will be asking for constitutionalists to return home and straighten out the mess!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
PPD, or What's an Old Feller Ta' Do?
Been struggling the last few days!
Dangdest thing!
Every morning I get up about the same time--5:30 to 6 a.m.--regular as clockwork! (Well, it IS a clock, isn't it?)
Every morning while the wife sleeps, I wander into the bathroom for my morning constitutional and watch a thin little stream drizzle into the toilet bowl.
The little woman always reminds me to "make sure you don't miss!"
Now I ask you, how can a dinky little stream like that MISS? It's physically impossible!
And I guess I shouldn't call it a "stream", exactly, when it looks more like a drizzle!
It drizzles for a while and then shuts off. Then, just when I think I'm done--it drizzles a little more!
It does that four or five times in a row--sometimes six!
Damn that's irritating!
I'd like to grab it by it's scrawny little neck and choke it to death, but it'd probably enjoy it too much!
I suppose the correct acronym for it is, "PPD"!
What's PPD, you might ask?
It's "Pee-Pee Dysfunction"--a word I invented on my own while staring down at a tiny drizzle streaming into a bowl!
I do some of my best thinking--and cursing--while waiting for a drizzle to end!
"Dod-blast the dadburned drips", I usually say, or something that sounds much like that.
What's even more disturbing are the gassy noises that accompany the drizzles.
Well, the drizzles don't make gassy noises, but I do, and they're not the silent type, either .
They sound sort of like "BRAPPPP!", or "FFFFRAAAAPP!", ending with a "fffiiiiisssss!"
What are you supposed to do if, right in the middle of a drizzle and a BRAP, you discover a large and annoying event is arriving?
You have to drop your drawers, turn around and sit quickly. Unfortunately, you can't always do this when in the middle of a drizzle--or even a BRAP!
--And I don't have to explain what happens if you wait TOO long! Yup-- BRAPPFFFFisssss, OOPS!
Too late!
So I'm now dreading going to bed, simply because I know I'm going to have to get up the next morning and go through the same ordeal!
Each morning I stand and think about the problem. There must be SOMETHING I can do about it, short of tying a string around it's puny little neck and strangling it to death!
I asked the doctor--once--and he scared me to death!
He said, "We can cure that easily---we'll just "roto-rooter" it!"
Never brought it up again!
Come to think about it, it's never raised IT'S puny little head since then, either!
Dangdest thing!
Every morning I get up about the same time--5:30 to 6 a.m.--regular as clockwork! (Well, it IS a clock, isn't it?)
Every morning while the wife sleeps, I wander into the bathroom for my morning constitutional and watch a thin little stream drizzle into the toilet bowl.
The little woman always reminds me to "make sure you don't miss!"
Now I ask you, how can a dinky little stream like that MISS? It's physically impossible!
And I guess I shouldn't call it a "stream", exactly, when it looks more like a drizzle!
It drizzles for a while and then shuts off. Then, just when I think I'm done--it drizzles a little more!
It does that four or five times in a row--sometimes six!
Damn that's irritating!
I'd like to grab it by it's scrawny little neck and choke it to death, but it'd probably enjoy it too much!
I suppose the correct acronym for it is, "PPD"!
What's PPD, you might ask?
It's "Pee-Pee Dysfunction"--a word I invented on my own while staring down at a tiny drizzle streaming into a bowl!
I do some of my best thinking--and cursing--while waiting for a drizzle to end!
"Dod-blast the dadburned drips", I usually say, or something that sounds much like that.
What's even more disturbing are the gassy noises that accompany the drizzles.
Well, the drizzles don't make gassy noises, but I do, and they're not the silent type, either .
They sound sort of like "BRAPPPP!", or "FFFFRAAAAPP!", ending with a "fffiiiiisssss!"
What are you supposed to do if, right in the middle of a drizzle and a BRAP, you discover a large and annoying event is arriving?
You have to drop your drawers, turn around and sit quickly. Unfortunately, you can't always do this when in the middle of a drizzle--or even a BRAP!
--And I don't have to explain what happens if you wait TOO long! Yup-- BRAPPFFFFisssss, OOPS!
Too late!
So I'm now dreading going to bed, simply because I know I'm going to have to get up the next morning and go through the same ordeal!
Each morning I stand and think about the problem. There must be SOMETHING I can do about it, short of tying a string around it's puny little neck and strangling it to death!
I asked the doctor--once--and he scared me to death!
He said, "We can cure that easily---we'll just "roto-rooter" it!"
Never brought it up again!
Come to think about it, it's never raised IT'S puny little head since then, either!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
What, ME with an infection?
Well, I'll be damned!
I woke up Saturday morning and began my usual routine of shave, sh**, shine and dress for breakfast, after which I retired to the den to bang the keys on this gadget for a while.
Right in the middle of a particularly good train of thought I felt this tiny little itching start in my lower frontal area---, (OK, OK, my scrotum! There, are you happy now?) and asked myself, "What the heck is THAT?"
The computer didn't answer, but I decided I might just have to pee!
Ha! Nothing unusual for an old coot! Happens all the time. I got up and hied myself off to the pee closet for some instant relief!
I returned to my good train of thoughts, but discovered the train had stopped when I discovered I had to pee again!
"Now how can that be," I wondered?
OHHHH, it's easy, boys! In the next hour I made six trips to the pee-er! Each time I went, it burned a little more.
Yeah, I had a urinary tract infection!
Now, you might ask, "how did a 77 year old man get a urinary tract infection?"
(You ask the damndest questions!)
Unfortunately, I was wondering the same thing! So when I finally saw the doctor that afternoon, I asked him the same question. "WTF, doc?"
"NTF, it's usually CAUSED by TF!"
"Well, sonny, I must be missing SOMETHING, cause I sure ain't gettin' any of THAT!" (The idea would scare the bejabbers out of the misses--and probably me as well)
"Now, c'mon, doc. Lay off the cutesy abbreviations! Tell me the truth---what's causing it," I asked, earnestly?
Earnestly said, "You have prostatitis, of course! Most men your age have an enlarged prostate gland and occasionally it becomes infected. We usually don't do anything about it, other than medicating, unless it becomes debilitating, or cancerous--and my name's not 'Earnest'!"
"OK, OK, then what do we do about it," I asked, seriously?
"I give you a prescription for antibiotics which you will take for 30 days, starting today," he said, cheerfully, "--and my name's not 'seriously', either!"
And that's how my wiener turned yellow!
Now, would SOMEBODY explain that to the Misses? She swears I've been cattin' around again!
She even mentioned something about "docking" my tail!
"You can't fool me," I said. "Only space ships and boats are 'docked'--"!
Then, as she pulled the knife--
(Continued next month--if I'm still here!)
I woke up Saturday morning and began my usual routine of shave, sh**, shine and dress for breakfast, after which I retired to the den to bang the keys on this gadget for a while.
Right in the middle of a particularly good train of thought I felt this tiny little itching start in my lower frontal area---, (OK, OK, my scrotum! There, are you happy now?) and asked myself, "What the heck is THAT?"
The computer didn't answer, but I decided I might just have to pee!
Ha! Nothing unusual for an old coot! Happens all the time. I got up and hied myself off to the pee closet for some instant relief!
I returned to my good train of thoughts, but discovered the train had stopped when I discovered I had to pee again!
"Now how can that be," I wondered?
OHHHH, it's easy, boys! In the next hour I made six trips to the pee-er! Each time I went, it burned a little more.
Yeah, I had a urinary tract infection!
Now, you might ask, "how did a 77 year old man get a urinary tract infection?"
(You ask the damndest questions!)
Unfortunately, I was wondering the same thing! So when I finally saw the doctor that afternoon, I asked him the same question. "WTF, doc?"
"NTF, it's usually CAUSED by TF!"
"Well, sonny, I must be missing SOMETHING, cause I sure ain't gettin' any of THAT!" (The idea would scare the bejabbers out of the misses--and probably me as well)
"Now, c'mon, doc. Lay off the cutesy abbreviations! Tell me the truth---what's causing it," I asked, earnestly?
Earnestly said, "You have prostatitis, of course! Most men your age have an enlarged prostate gland and occasionally it becomes infected. We usually don't do anything about it, other than medicating, unless it becomes debilitating, or cancerous--and my name's not 'Earnest'!"
"OK, OK, then what do we do about it," I asked, seriously?
"I give you a prescription for antibiotics which you will take for 30 days, starting today," he said, cheerfully, "--and my name's not 'seriously', either!"
And that's how my wiener turned yellow!
Now, would SOMEBODY explain that to the Misses? She swears I've been cattin' around again!
She even mentioned something about "docking" my tail!
"You can't fool me," I said. "Only space ships and boats are 'docked'--"!
Then, as she pulled the knife--
(Continued next month--if I'm still here!)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
It's HOT and I'm Not Even in Hell!
Dear, dear! Al Gore must be right! Global warming is HERE!
It's been consistently hot for the past week, with temperatures over 100 six days in a row.
Yesterday it was 111 degrees. Today it hit 113!
Luckily we have air conditioning, although the power company is forcing us to pay a premium price for it.
How can they get away with that, you ask? (I distinctly heard you ask!)
Simple! Last summer, when the temperatures soared, we had several blackouts that lasted throughout the day and into the evening hours.
We were sweating rivers!
This year, as soon as summer hit, we were advised that the cost of power would be going up! Voila! A monopoly has struck again!
Voila! My wallet is emptier!
An article on the internet talks about New York City having 100,000 citizens without power for the past week, during "the hottest spell so far".
Hey, New Yorkers! Pull up your socks--you're about to be hit with a big rate increase!
So who do we blame? Is Al Gore right?
Actually, Al makes me laugh. His book and his movie are devoid of facts and full of omissions. I suspect he's simply being the front man for the "one-world government" crowd!
After all, America is to blame for the world's ills, according to these socialists and the answer is to do away with sovereign countries--starting with this one!
All I can say is, go do your stuff in the rain forest, Al! Maybe you'll find company in the monkeys down there!
It's been consistently hot for the past week, with temperatures over 100 six days in a row.
Yesterday it was 111 degrees. Today it hit 113!
Luckily we have air conditioning, although the power company is forcing us to pay a premium price for it.
How can they get away with that, you ask? (I distinctly heard you ask!)
Simple! Last summer, when the temperatures soared, we had several blackouts that lasted throughout the day and into the evening hours.
We were sweating rivers!
This year, as soon as summer hit, we were advised that the cost of power would be going up! Voila! A monopoly has struck again!
Voila! My wallet is emptier!
An article on the internet talks about New York City having 100,000 citizens without power for the past week, during "the hottest spell so far".
Hey, New Yorkers! Pull up your socks--you're about to be hit with a big rate increase!
So who do we blame? Is Al Gore right?
Actually, Al makes me laugh. His book and his movie are devoid of facts and full of omissions. I suspect he's simply being the front man for the "one-world government" crowd!
After all, America is to blame for the world's ills, according to these socialists and the answer is to do away with sovereign countries--starting with this one!
All I can say is, go do your stuff in the rain forest, Al! Maybe you'll find company in the monkeys down there!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
First Day of Summer!
June 21st--The first day of summer!
I'd "whoopee" a couple of times if I had the energy to whoopee!
Unfortunately I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Why, you might ask?
Well, I'll tell you--whether you asked, or not!
On Tuesday last, I decided, after having seen evidence of millions of flying spiders attaching themselves to everything in sight, that I would have to declare war on the little critters!
Mind you, these are tiny, teeny little things that have just hatched, I guess, and they spin out long gossamer strings of web which, when long enough, pull the little critters into the air.
Off they go, hoping to land on some good looking blonde's boob, where they can feel right at home.
Of course it doesn't always work out the way they want. Most times, they land in my hair; drape around my neck, hang off my nose, or nestle in my ear.
Ever try to get rid of a teeny, tiny little critter than can scoot into your ear canal so fast it makes you jump?
No, that's not what kept me awake!
Wait, I'll tell you--
Seeing these little critters flying by, I thought "If I don't want hundreds of big, fat full-grown spiders scaring the bejabbers (yeah, I said 'bejabbers') out of my wife--and me--I'd better take action right now to eliminate as many as possible.
So I rounded up the insecticide--the outdoor kind you spray around the foundations of your house and across the threshold to prevent entrance of the little critters.
I proceeded to march all the way around the house spraying every inch of the foundation of the house and all the door sills.
"That'll l'arn 'em", I muttered.
Satisfied I'd taught the little varmints a good lesson, I put the spray away and went into the house for a glass of good Cabernet and a few minutes of relaxation. It's HOT, after all!
I had no sooner sat, than both legs began to itch.
??"WTF??" I whatted.
Inspecting my legs, I soon discovered I had at least 4 major bites on each shin!
"Spiders bite?" you might ask.
Nope. These weren't spidee bites--these were "no-seeum" bites. Nasty, bright red, lumpy looking bites which will stay with you for almost ten days, driving you crazy with itching!
I think the spiders had the last laugh. I'll swear they hired these damned meat-eaters just to get even.
So now you can see how I came to lose sleep over a period of what turned out to be two nights.
You can't sleep if you're sitting up scratching--and swearing!
I'd "whoopee" a couple of times if I had the energy to whoopee!
Unfortunately I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Why, you might ask?
Well, I'll tell you--whether you asked, or not!
On Tuesday last, I decided, after having seen evidence of millions of flying spiders attaching themselves to everything in sight, that I would have to declare war on the little critters!
Mind you, these are tiny, teeny little things that have just hatched, I guess, and they spin out long gossamer strings of web which, when long enough, pull the little critters into the air.
Off they go, hoping to land on some good looking blonde's boob, where they can feel right at home.
Of course it doesn't always work out the way they want. Most times, they land in my hair; drape around my neck, hang off my nose, or nestle in my ear.
Ever try to get rid of a teeny, tiny little critter than can scoot into your ear canal so fast it makes you jump?
No, that's not what kept me awake!
Wait, I'll tell you--
Seeing these little critters flying by, I thought "If I don't want hundreds of big, fat full-grown spiders scaring the bejabbers (yeah, I said 'bejabbers') out of my wife--and me--I'd better take action right now to eliminate as many as possible.
So I rounded up the insecticide--the outdoor kind you spray around the foundations of your house and across the threshold to prevent entrance of the little critters.
I proceeded to march all the way around the house spraying every inch of the foundation of the house and all the door sills.
"That'll l'arn 'em", I muttered.
Satisfied I'd taught the little varmints a good lesson, I put the spray away and went into the house for a glass of good Cabernet and a few minutes of relaxation. It's HOT, after all!
I had no sooner sat, than both legs began to itch.
??"WTF??" I whatted.
Inspecting my legs, I soon discovered I had at least 4 major bites on each shin!
"Spiders bite?" you might ask.
Nope. These weren't spidee bites--these were "no-seeum" bites. Nasty, bright red, lumpy looking bites which will stay with you for almost ten days, driving you crazy with itching!
I think the spiders had the last laugh. I'll swear they hired these damned meat-eaters just to get even.
So now you can see how I came to lose sleep over a period of what turned out to be two nights.
You can't sleep if you're sitting up scratching--and swearing!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Immigration--Is it Illegal, or not?
For many years now, the immigration problem of Mexicans and other South American citizens sneaking across our borders to find work in the U.S. hasn't annoyed American citizens as much as it has in recent weeks, when Mexican demonstrators marched in force in our downtown streets to protest policies of the federal government.
A bill by Congressman Sensennbrenner was passed into law, which states illegal aliens entering the country are to be considered felons and the businesses that hire them are now subject to fines for doing so.
Well, again demonstrating their superior education, leave it to the Mexicans to open their mouths and insert both feet!
Their answer to the new law was demonstrations, thus managing to tick off the entire country!
How dare they carry Mexican flags in our streets?
How dare they make loud claims against "whitey", then have the guts to call American citizens, "racist"?
Worse yet, they now lay claim to the entire southwestern states as their "homeland"!
The truth of the matter is, Texas was taken from them militarily. (After all, the Mexican army never saw a white flag they couldn't follow!)
The rest of the southwestern states were BOUGHT from Mexico, who was only too happy to obtain more money that could be used to pay off their corrupt politicians--who are the only people in Mexico who seem to live a "good life"!
Next we had el Presidente Fox (he of the "good life") spend four days in the U.S. making suggestions as to how WE should handle OUR problems with illegals!
Way to go, el Presidente! Now you've REALLY pissed us off!
If the illegal Mexicans had kept their mouths shut and stayed home, they wouldn't have called attention to their situation. As it is, most of the country is now behind the Minutemen, who are patrolling the border in an effort to stem the flow of illegals!
So far, nobody has been shot!
That may change very shortly unless the federal government and especially those congressmen who have voted in favor of amnesty and a "worker program" for the felonious illegals. don't change their spots rather abruptly!
Americans are getting mighty tired of representatives who have been sent to Washington to do the bidding of the people and who then do just the opposite of what the people want!
Elections have a nasty habit of raising up and biting arrogant congressmen in the ass! Well, all but Teddy "the swimmer" Kennedy, who gets automatically returned to office so that he may continue his bloviated bellicose bellowing of inebriated fumes into the congressional air!
Someday, minority speaker Nancy "the brains" Pelosi will be accused of DUI, after spending five minutes with Kennedy!
John "the traitor" Kerry, on the other hand, will never be accused of having brains! Still smarting over his slap-down by the Swift Boat Veterans, he's been trying to find a way of attacking them ever since the last election without much luck.
Good luck, John! I suspect you're wasting a lot of time and money! If I was a Massachusetts voter, I'd think twice about returning you as dogcatcher!
But I digest--, er, diffe--, no! "D-i-gress" (Yeah, that's it!)!
President Bush, who never saw another el presidente he didn't like, has come out in favor of amnesty for illegals. Of course, he tells us NOT to call it amnesty, because he says he favors a "worker's program" whereby those in country for more than five years may be offered a "path" to citizenship, thereby opening up a whole new world of illegal documents such as sales receipts and phony checks along with credit records demonstrating ALL of the illegals have been here for at least 10 years!
One question el presidente--with all the money being made by businesses who hire these people and all the businesses who forge documents for them and guides who bring them into the country, do you suppose it would be possible for me to simply hold up one little bank, whenever I run out of money?
You could pardon me by calling it a "worker's program" for the indigent!
Hey! Think of it like this: A great savings for police who don't have to chase me, for prosecutors who don't have to prosecute me, for judges who don't have to sentence me and jailors that don't have to hold and feed me!
A definite "win-win", baby!
A bill by Congressman Sensennbrenner was passed into law, which states illegal aliens entering the country are to be considered felons and the businesses that hire them are now subject to fines for doing so.
Well, again demonstrating their superior education, leave it to the Mexicans to open their mouths and insert both feet!
Their answer to the new law was demonstrations, thus managing to tick off the entire country!
How dare they carry Mexican flags in our streets?
How dare they make loud claims against "whitey", then have the guts to call American citizens, "racist"?
Worse yet, they now lay claim to the entire southwestern states as their "homeland"!
The truth of the matter is, Texas was taken from them militarily. (After all, the Mexican army never saw a white flag they couldn't follow!)
The rest of the southwestern states were BOUGHT from Mexico, who was only too happy to obtain more money that could be used to pay off their corrupt politicians--who are the only people in Mexico who seem to live a "good life"!
Next we had el Presidente Fox (he of the "good life") spend four days in the U.S. making suggestions as to how WE should handle OUR problems with illegals!
Way to go, el Presidente! Now you've REALLY pissed us off!
If the illegal Mexicans had kept their mouths shut and stayed home, they wouldn't have called attention to their situation. As it is, most of the country is now behind the Minutemen, who are patrolling the border in an effort to stem the flow of illegals!
So far, nobody has been shot!
That may change very shortly unless the federal government and especially those congressmen who have voted in favor of amnesty and a "worker program" for the felonious illegals. don't change their spots rather abruptly!
Americans are getting mighty tired of representatives who have been sent to Washington to do the bidding of the people and who then do just the opposite of what the people want!
Elections have a nasty habit of raising up and biting arrogant congressmen in the ass! Well, all but Teddy "the swimmer" Kennedy, who gets automatically returned to office so that he may continue his bloviated bellicose bellowing of inebriated fumes into the congressional air!
Someday, minority speaker Nancy "the brains" Pelosi will be accused of DUI, after spending five minutes with Kennedy!
John "the traitor" Kerry, on the other hand, will never be accused of having brains! Still smarting over his slap-down by the Swift Boat Veterans, he's been trying to find a way of attacking them ever since the last election without much luck.
Good luck, John! I suspect you're wasting a lot of time and money! If I was a Massachusetts voter, I'd think twice about returning you as dogcatcher!
But I digest--, er, diffe--, no! "D-i-gress" (Yeah, that's it!)!
President Bush, who never saw another el presidente he didn't like, has come out in favor of amnesty for illegals. Of course, he tells us NOT to call it amnesty, because he says he favors a "worker's program" whereby those in country for more than five years may be offered a "path" to citizenship, thereby opening up a whole new world of illegal documents such as sales receipts and phony checks along with credit records demonstrating ALL of the illegals have been here for at least 10 years!
One question el presidente--with all the money being made by businesses who hire these people and all the businesses who forge documents for them and guides who bring them into the country, do you suppose it would be possible for me to simply hold up one little bank, whenever I run out of money?
You could pardon me by calling it a "worker's program" for the indigent!
Hey! Think of it like this: A great savings for police who don't have to chase me, for prosecutors who don't have to prosecute me, for judges who don't have to sentence me and jailors that don't have to hold and feed me!
A definite "win-win", baby!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Sprink has Sprunk!
Sprinking merrily along, darned near drowning us! But, that's OK! At least you can see it's not snowing!
Well, unless you're a liberal, who can't see anything good in any coming season!
After all, we just went through the "Winter of their discontent", which, I think, is based on their disappointment at finding out John "F----in'" Kerry didn't win the election!
They've been on a downer ever since!
Don't bother offering them an anti-depressant! They LOVE the mood they're in. They get to tell all the lies they can think up!
When they had a kindred soul in the white house, they were happy as a rat who had just found a decayed bagel in the gutter! They saw him as their "LEADER". He cheered them up when they were down by recounting his amusing tales about what he did while sitting at his desk, talking on the telephone.
He was really a character, wasn't he?
Now they're unhappy, because the guy presently in the white house , hasn't sat at his desk long enough to have any interesting tales to tell!
Besides, if he DID tell any tales, his wife would be the first, First Lady to be convicted of murder--possibly!
So now they just blame him for their misery. Hurricanes? Blame it on Bush! He should have been able to wave his arms and dispel the storm.
Levee broke? Blame it on Bush. If he'd been there with his shovel, that democratic governor could have sat back on her butt and done nothing, while Bush reinforced her levees with his shovel.
Come to think about it, that's what she did anyway, isn't it?
--or was that Mayor Nagin? I can never get the two of them straight!
So now they're complaining about how the troops should be brought home and, at the same time, claiming they support the troops!
I guess they want them brought home, so they can support them up close and personal!
Their complaints include statements about our failure in Iraq. "Iraq is falling into civil war," they screech. "Our boys are being killed unnecessarily," they yodel.
The trouble is, the military keeps telling them they're not failing, but the liberals don't believe the generals. They think they know more about the military than either the commander-in-chief, or the generals!
I'd like to send a note to the terrorists. Why don't you direct your attacks against some of the liberals. That way, we'd be rid of some of the strident ones and you'd help convince the rest of the liberals that you actually mean business!
Who knows? If they ever get back into power, maybe they'll make a "deal" with you. You take over the country and we'll convert to the Muslim religion. That way, nobody gets killed and we look like heroes!
(What? You mean WE have to wear burkhas, too?)
On the other hand, even the terrorists look at liberals as dumb Americans! After all, they're doing everything in their power to help them!
Even that old bag, Jane Fondue, had to get into the act. You think she's going to be "out-traitored" by the likes of Kerry and She-hen?
Then, if you get tired of that nonsense, there's always the bit about how Bush is wire-tapping American citizens!
That these citizens are talking to terrorists in the middle east doesn't matter. "It's invading our privacy" ya' know!
"What? You mean Klintoon ackshully did the same thing? Well, that's OK--he was just checking up on republicans!"
Wanna' know who's going to be attacked next? Just ask Sen. Crochet-feller! He'll give you advance notice of any movement of our armed forces you'd care to know about. After all, he's a Senator, doncha' know? He's ABOVE the law!
He ought to be UNDER it--about 6 feet under it!
--And please! Take Chillery Klintoon, Shindy She-hen, J. "F------" Kerry and Teddy with you!
As I said, Spring is in the air--so the ground isn't hard any more. That way, "Fat Albert", the bore, can easily shovel the crap over 'em!
Well, unless you're a liberal, who can't see anything good in any coming season!
After all, we just went through the "Winter of their discontent", which, I think, is based on their disappointment at finding out John "F----in'" Kerry didn't win the election!
They've been on a downer ever since!
Don't bother offering them an anti-depressant! They LOVE the mood they're in. They get to tell all the lies they can think up!
When they had a kindred soul in the white house, they were happy as a rat who had just found a decayed bagel in the gutter! They saw him as their "LEADER". He cheered them up when they were down by recounting his amusing tales about what he did while sitting at his desk, talking on the telephone.
Now they're unhappy, because the guy presently in the white house , hasn't sat at his desk long enough to have any interesting tales to tell!
Besides, if he DID tell any tales, his wife would be the first, First Lady to be convicted of murder--possibly!
So now they just blame him for their misery. Hurricanes? Blame it on Bush! He should have been able to wave his arms and dispel the storm.
Levee broke? Blame it on Bush. If he'd been there with his shovel, that democratic governor could have sat back on her butt and done nothing, while Bush reinforced her levees with his shovel.
Come to think about it, that's what she did anyway, isn't it?
--or was that Mayor Nagin? I can never get the two of them straight!
So now they're complaining about how the troops should be brought home and, at the same time, claiming they support the troops!
I guess they want them brought home, so they can support them up close and personal!
Their complaints include statements about our failure in Iraq. "Iraq is falling into civil war," they screech. "Our boys are being killed unnecessarily," they yodel.
The trouble is, the military keeps telling them they're not failing, but the liberals don't believe the generals. They think they know more about the military than either the commander-in-chief, or the generals!
I'd like to send a note to the terrorists. Why don't you direct your attacks against some of the liberals. That way, we'd be rid of some of the strident ones and you'd help convince the rest of the liberals that you actually mean business!
Who knows? If they ever get back into power, maybe they'll make a "deal" with you. You take over the country and we'll convert to the Muslim religion. That way, nobody gets killed and we look like heroes!
(What? You mean WE have to wear burkhas, too?)
On the other hand, even the terrorists look at liberals as dumb Americans! After all, they're doing everything in their power to help them!
Even that old bag, Jane Fondue, had to get into the act. You think she's going to be "out-traitored" by the likes of Kerry and She-hen?
Then, if you get tired of that nonsense, there's always the bit about how Bush is wire-tapping American citizens!
That these citizens are talking to terrorists in the middle east doesn't matter. "It's invading our privacy" ya' know!
"What? You mean Klintoon ackshully did the same thing? Well, that's OK--he was just checking up on republicans!"
Wanna' know who's going to be attacked next? Just ask Sen. Crochet-feller! He'll give you advance notice of any movement of our armed forces you'd care to know about. After all, he's a Senator, doncha' know? He's ABOVE the law!
He ought to be UNDER it--about 6 feet under it!
--And please! Take Chillery Klintoon, Shindy She-hen, J. "F------" Kerry and Teddy with you!
As I said, Spring is in the air--so the ground isn't hard any more. That way, "Fat Albert", the bore, can easily shovel the crap over 'em!
Friday, February 17, 2006
How Do You Spell, "R-e-e-l-e-e-f"?
OK, so I'm a lousy speller---but today, I don't much care. I've got at least another 10 years of life ahead of me!
HOO-RAW! HOO-RAW!
I received a call from my doctor today, telling me my X-rays came out normal--that the "shadow" they had seen on the earlier one, was just an "anomally"!
I almost fell out of my chair with relief!
Having smoked for 42 years, then quit for 22 more, I knew better than to believe the old doctor's tale about "after 10 years, you're chances of lung cancer are about equal to a person who has never smoked!"
To paraphrase an old King Cole song, "Y'er story's so touchin' but it sounds jus' lak a lie!"
Once you've damaged your lungs, they STAY damaged and you have to hope the tar that dwells in your lungs, inside those enveloping scars, doesn't blossom forth into monstrous cancer cells!
--And you'll note the doctor's never say your lungs "return to normal"--just your chances are ABOUT equal!
So I escape once again, the shady demon from hell--who will get me next time around for having emphysema, instead!
Well, you have to have SOME kind of punishment for being stupid, don't you?
HOO-RAW! HOO-RAW!
I received a call from my doctor today, telling me my X-rays came out normal--that the "shadow" they had seen on the earlier one, was just an "anomally"!
I almost fell out of my chair with relief!
Having smoked for 42 years, then quit for 22 more, I knew better than to believe the old doctor's tale about "after 10 years, you're chances of lung cancer are about equal to a person who has never smoked!"
To paraphrase an old King Cole song, "Y'er story's so touchin' but it sounds jus' lak a lie!"
Once you've damaged your lungs, they STAY damaged and you have to hope the tar that dwells in your lungs, inside those enveloping scars, doesn't blossom forth into monstrous cancer cells!
--And you'll note the doctor's never say your lungs "return to normal"--just your chances are ABOUT equal!
So I escape once again, the shady demon from hell--who will get me next time around for having emphysema, instead!
Well, you have to have SOME kind of punishment for being stupid, don't you?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Ending Life, As I Know it--
Much as I hate to admit it, I'm afraid that's where I'm at--ending my life as I know it. Seventy-seven years old last November and probably not going to reach seventy-eight!
I started smoking at 15 and continued for the next 42 years, quitting when I was 57. So I 've been free of smoke for almost 22 years. Not a bad record, huh?
Hah!
I received a phone call from my doctor on Thursday last, telling me they had found a "shadow" on my upper right lung. They wanted me to return for another X-ray of that section.
"You suspect cancer," I asked?
"No," said my doctor. "you were a smoker for many years and I suspect what we're seeing is scar tissue in your lungs."
Well, I thought. That's ONE way of getting around a direct answer!
So Friday, I hied myself to the local radiologist and had the requisite three X-rays made: One front; one back and one side.
That night I expected him to call me back, giving me the results of the tests, but no call.
The weekend passed slowly for my wife and I. One minute I was depressed; the next I was--if not normal, at least functional. I told her, "No news is good news," even though I didn't believe it!
Monday passed with no word.
I couldn't stand it any longer so today (Tuesday) I called the nurse and asked her if she would read the results of my X-ray for me. I didn't want to have to wait for the eventual letter from the doctor.
After being on hold for a very short time, the nurse returned to explain, "The doctor doesn't have the results back as yet. When they come in, he'll call you with the results!"
After hanging up, I started thinking---something you become good at during times like this! The nurse had said, "He'll call you with the results!" He's never done THAT before! Apparently, they aren't really optimistic, either!
Well, all I can do is wait and learn my fate. I'm going to expect the worst, that way, if the news IS good, I can really celebrate!
On the other hand, if the news is bad, I'll try to continue my thoughts on this page, as things progress.
Is there a moral to the story?
Yes! Doctors are lying to you.
If you smoke--even for 10 years and quit-- your lungs will NEVER recover from the damage done to them. They'll always bear the scars of your stupidity.
But doctors don't like to tell you that, because if they did, you might not quit smoking and that's a SURE death sentence, even sooner.
Yep! Quitting smoking is hard, but it's the only way to prolong your life. Continue smoking and you won't get past your 60's!
I started smoking at 15 and continued for the next 42 years, quitting when I was 57. So I 've been free of smoke for almost 22 years. Not a bad record, huh?
Hah!
I received a phone call from my doctor on Thursday last, telling me they had found a "shadow" on my upper right lung. They wanted me to return for another X-ray of that section.
"You suspect cancer," I asked?
"No," said my doctor. "you were a smoker for many years and I suspect what we're seeing is scar tissue in your lungs."
Well, I thought. That's ONE way of getting around a direct answer!
So Friday, I hied myself to the local radiologist and had the requisite three X-rays made: One front; one back and one side.
That night I expected him to call me back, giving me the results of the tests, but no call.
The weekend passed slowly for my wife and I. One minute I was depressed; the next I was--if not normal, at least functional. I told her, "No news is good news," even though I didn't believe it!
Monday passed with no word.
I couldn't stand it any longer so today (Tuesday) I called the nurse and asked her if she would read the results of my X-ray for me. I didn't want to have to wait for the eventual letter from the doctor.
After being on hold for a very short time, the nurse returned to explain, "The doctor doesn't have the results back as yet. When they come in, he'll call you with the results!"
After hanging up, I started thinking---something you become good at during times like this! The nurse had said, "He'll call you with the results!" He's never done THAT before! Apparently, they aren't really optimistic, either!
Well, all I can do is wait and learn my fate. I'm going to expect the worst, that way, if the news IS good, I can really celebrate!
On the other hand, if the news is bad, I'll try to continue my thoughts on this page, as things progress.
Is there a moral to the story?
Yes! Doctors are lying to you.
If you smoke--even for 10 years and quit-- your lungs will NEVER recover from the damage done to them. They'll always bear the scars of your stupidity.
But doctors don't like to tell you that, because if they did, you might not quit smoking and that's a SURE death sentence, even sooner.
Yep! Quitting smoking is hard, but it's the only way to prolong your life. Continue smoking and you won't get past your 60's!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
My Hard Drive Ain't Hard No Mo'!
It's true!
My hard drive gave up the ghost!
One minute I was intending to defrag the darn thing and the next it just, well--defragged!
It just froze in place.
I couldn't believe it! One minute it was doing fine; the next it was locked up tight and I was staring at a defrag command that never got to run--Poor thing!
So I hit the usual "Cntrl-Alt-Del" key and got--zilch! Not a damned thing!
I tried it again, adding a little more emphasis; "Cntrl-Alt-Del", dang ya'!
Nothing moved.
OK, sez I to myself. If you won't move, I'll just "off" y'er butt and restart. Windows always knows how to come back.
No, it doesn't. Oh, it fired up OK, but it wouldn't access Windows at all. Instead, I got an error message that said, "you can either start in Safe mode, or in Normal mode--click on your choice!"
So I did--clicked on "Normal" and I can tell you it definitely is NOT normal, 'cause when it came back, it said the same stupid error message!
No matter how many times I tried, it did the same thing! Not even in safe mode!
"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!" I screamed. "Honey, I fried my hard drive. It won't work any more!"
"It hasn't worked in years," she answered, unsympathetically.
I just couldn't handle TWO major problems at the same time, so I sat while all the air went out of my sails.
Finally I stirred myself and, admitting defeat, called for help.
Result?
$200 for troubleshooting.
$85 for a new hard drive (but a good one they said!)
$30 for recovering all of the programs and files on my old hard drive and transfering them to the new one.
$50 for additional memory.
So you can see it's sometimes pretty expensive to freeze the hard drive---no matter WHAT the wifey sez!
(I just wish the darn thing DID work---I'd show HER a thing or two! Hummph!)
My hard drive gave up the ghost!
One minute I was intending to defrag the darn thing and the next it just, well--defragged!
It just froze in place.
I couldn't believe it! One minute it was doing fine; the next it was locked up tight and I was staring at a defrag command that never got to run--Poor thing!
So I hit the usual "Cntrl-Alt-Del" key and got--zilch! Not a damned thing!
I tried it again, adding a little more emphasis; "Cntrl-Alt-Del", dang ya'!
Nothing moved.
OK, sez I to myself. If you won't move, I'll just "off" y'er butt and restart. Windows always knows how to come back.
No, it doesn't. Oh, it fired up OK, but it wouldn't access Windows at all. Instead, I got an error message that said, "you can either start in Safe mode, or in Normal mode--click on your choice!"
So I did--clicked on "Normal" and I can tell you it definitely is NOT normal, 'cause when it came back, it said the same stupid error message!
No matter how many times I tried, it did the same thing! Not even in safe mode!
"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!" I screamed. "Honey, I fried my hard drive. It won't work any more!"
"It hasn't worked in years," she answered, unsympathetically.
I just couldn't handle TWO major problems at the same time, so I sat while all the air went out of my sails.
Finally I stirred myself and, admitting defeat, called for help.
Result?
$200 for troubleshooting.
$85 for a new hard drive (but a good one they said!)
$30 for recovering all of the programs and files on my old hard drive and transfering them to the new one.
$50 for additional memory.
So you can see it's sometimes pretty expensive to freeze the hard drive---no matter WHAT the wifey sez!
(I just wish the darn thing DID work---I'd show HER a thing or two! Hummph!)
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Resolutions and Why We Should Ignore 'em!
Well, the New Year is under way and all my resolutions are "in the can"---for all the good it will do!
The sad part of resolutions is, unless you write them down and leave the paper in a place where you can find it, they become useless, because you forget 'em!
I forgot mine, after the first of February, last year!
I'll probably forget my NEW ones along about 1 February THIS year, also!
So much for improving myself!
Actually, I haven't much to improve upon. At my age, I've done all the "improving" I'm ever going to do! Why worry about it any longer?
So I have two mugs of coffee in the morning just to get started! So what?
And, if I like to rail at the MSM news channels in the morning because they're stupid, why is that wrong?
After all, it's not like I'm a democrat who loves "all things government"!
One of my resolutions this year is to ignore the screams of the liberal socialists in the country who want to slap free speech on the internet and on the radio/TV with regulations.
What kind of regulations, you ask?
Well, how about the one that says you can't say anything about a candidate for office after 60 days prior to election? You know, the McCain-Feingold law?
Talk about the destruction of free speech! There, we have a law that was initiated by a Republican and overwhelmingly approved by Democrats. Bush signed it because he was a chicken--he didn't want to PO McCain!
I would ENJOY POing McCain! That idiot seems to think he can do no wrong and, whatever he does, will be approved by the voters.
I guess it will, as long as we have uneducated voters, or voters who simply vote party lines!
You eventually get what you deserve, I guess.
As a result, I guess it's OK to ignore, or totally forget, your resolutions. You'll be too busy trying to defend yourself this year against the stupid laws our government is trying to suppress us with.
A good example of the way people are suppressed is the passage of the many laws infringing the rights granted citizens by the 2nd amendment.
There's never been a good argument made for the controls slapped on firearms and the real reason for those controls is control of the populace! Just one more suppression of the freedoms of the citizens.
Forgetting your resolutions is one thing---forgetting to defend your rights from government encroachment, is another.
Next year, it might be too late!
The sad part of resolutions is, unless you write them down and leave the paper in a place where you can find it, they become useless, because you forget 'em!
I forgot mine, after the first of February, last year!
I'll probably forget my NEW ones along about 1 February THIS year, also!
So much for improving myself!
Actually, I haven't much to improve upon. At my age, I've done all the "improving" I'm ever going to do! Why worry about it any longer?
So I have two mugs of coffee in the morning just to get started! So what?
And, if I like to rail at the MSM news channels in the morning because they're stupid, why is that wrong?
After all, it's not like I'm a democrat who loves "all things government"!
One of my resolutions this year is to ignore the screams of the liberal socialists in the country who want to slap free speech on the internet and on the radio/TV with regulations.
What kind of regulations, you ask?
Well, how about the one that says you can't say anything about a candidate for office after 60 days prior to election? You know, the McCain-Feingold law?
Talk about the destruction of free speech! There, we have a law that was initiated by a Republican and overwhelmingly approved by Democrats. Bush signed it because he was a chicken--he didn't want to PO McCain!
I would ENJOY POing McCain! That idiot seems to think he can do no wrong and, whatever he does, will be approved by the voters.
I guess it will, as long as we have uneducated voters, or voters who simply vote party lines!
You eventually get what you deserve, I guess.
As a result, I guess it's OK to ignore, or totally forget, your resolutions. You'll be too busy trying to defend yourself this year against the stupid laws our government is trying to suppress us with.
A good example of the way people are suppressed is the passage of the many laws infringing the rights granted citizens by the 2nd amendment.
There's never been a good argument made for the controls slapped on firearms and the real reason for those controls is control of the populace! Just one more suppression of the freedoms of the citizens.
Forgetting your resolutions is one thing---forgetting to defend your rights from government encroachment, is another.
Next year, it might be too late!
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