Well, I'll be damned!
I woke up Saturday morning and began my usual routine of shave, sh**, shine and dress for breakfast, after which I retired to the den to bang the keys on this gadget for a while.
Right in the middle of a particularly good train of thought I felt this tiny little itching start in my lower frontal area---, (OK, OK, my scrotum! There, are you happy now?) and asked myself, "What the heck is THAT?"
The computer didn't answer, but I decided I might just have to pee!
Ha! Nothing unusual for an old coot! Happens all the time. I got up and hied myself off to the pee closet for some instant relief!
I returned to my good train of thoughts, but discovered the train had stopped when I discovered I had to pee again!
"Now how can that be," I wondered?
OHHHH, it's easy, boys! In the next hour I made six trips to the pee-er! Each time I went, it burned a little more.
Yeah, I had a urinary tract infection!
Now, you might ask, "how did a 77 year old man get a urinary tract infection?"
(You ask the damndest questions!)
Unfortunately, I was wondering the same thing! So when I finally saw the doctor that afternoon, I asked him the same question. "WTF, doc?"
"NTF, it's usually CAUSED by TF!"
"Well, sonny, I must be missing SOMETHING, cause I sure ain't gettin' any of THAT!" (The idea would scare the bejabbers out of the misses--and probably me as well)
"Now, c'mon, doc. Lay off the cutesy abbreviations! Tell me the truth---what's causing it," I asked, earnestly?
Earnestly said, "You have prostatitis, of course! Most men your age have an enlarged prostate gland and occasionally it becomes infected. We usually don't do anything about it, other than medicating, unless it becomes debilitating, or cancerous--and my name's not 'Earnest'!"
"OK, OK, then what do we do about it," I asked, seriously?
"I give you a prescription for antibiotics which you will take for 30 days, starting today," he said, cheerfully, "--and my name's not 'seriously', either!"
And that's how my wiener turned yellow!
Now, would SOMEBODY explain that to the Misses? She swears I've been cattin' around again!
She even mentioned something about "docking" my tail!
"You can't fool me," I said. "Only space ships and boats are 'docked'--"!
Then, as she pulled the knife--
(Continued next month--if I'm still here!)
