Been struggling the last few days!
Dangdest thing!
Every morning I get up about the same time--5:30 to 6 a.m.--regular as clockwork! (Well, it IS a clock, isn't it?)
Every morning while the wife sleeps, I wander into the bathroom for my morning constitutional and watch a thin little stream drizzle into the toilet bowl.
The little woman always reminds me to "make sure you don't miss!"
Now I ask you, how can a dinky little stream like that MISS? It's physically impossible!
And I guess I shouldn't call it a "stream", exactly, when it looks more like a drizzle!
It drizzles for a while and then shuts off. Then, just when I think I'm done--it drizzles a little more!
It does that four or five times in a row--sometimes six!
Damn that's irritating!
I'd like to grab it by it's scrawny little neck and choke it to death, but it'd probably enjoy it too much!
I suppose the correct acronym for it is, "PPD"!
What's PPD, you might ask?
It's "Pee-Pee Dysfunction"--a word I invented on my own while staring down at a tiny drizzle streaming into a bowl!
I do some of my best thinking--and cursing--while waiting for a drizzle to end!
"Dod-blast the dadburned drips", I usually say, or something that sounds much like that.
What's even more disturbing are the gassy noises that accompany the drizzles.
Well, the drizzles don't make gassy noises, but I do, and they're not the silent type, either .
They sound sort of like "BRAPPPP!", or "FFFFRAAAAPP!", ending with a "fffiiiiisssss!"
What are you supposed to do if, right in the middle of a drizzle and a BRAP, you discover a large and annoying event is arriving?
You have to drop your drawers, turn around and sit quickly. Unfortunately, you can't always do this when in the middle of a drizzle--or even a BRAP!
--And I don't have to explain what happens if you wait TOO long! Yup-- BRAPPFFFFisssss, OOPS!
Too late!
So I'm now dreading going to bed, simply because I know I'm going to have to get up the next morning and go through the same ordeal!
Each morning I stand and think about the problem. There must be SOMETHING I can do about it, short of tying a string around it's puny little neck and strangling it to death!
I asked the doctor--once--and he scared me to death!
He said, "We can cure that easily---we'll just "roto-rooter" it!"
Never brought it up again!
Come to think about it, it's never raised IT'S puny little head since then, either!
